1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There are leaves in my underwear?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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