I showed him my bush... on skype.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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