dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
