My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
