Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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