i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I didn't notice because vodka
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
