i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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