guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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