Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We are two peas in an std pod
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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