She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
