There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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