Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
