addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
