did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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