its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
