Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
