My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
