plz talk dirty to me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
