mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
