i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Couch. On fire.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
