she was so not down for the gang bang
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
