She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
