My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
