batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
