haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
