I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
