Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
