Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
