im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
