Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
