you guys were way drunker than both of me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
