You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
