okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
