Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
