I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
