Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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