you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
