We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
