Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
