I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
