I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Randomize
