my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
