Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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