Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
operation harelip BJ is a go
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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