He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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