you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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