His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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