3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
