Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
