Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
